I suggested to my 101-year-old dad that we go out for ice cream. Two months ago, he fell. There were 3 hospitalizations, 2 rehabs, doctor’s visits, and finally back home with aids to help him move and regain his strength. He is a fighter, Thank God.
There were times when he thought he was forgotten and going to die. He was disoriented and repeatedly asked us where he was and what had happened. But he was in the loving arms of family and friends. Reminding him of where he was was an opportunity to love him. We both enjoyed seeing each other and at times teasing each other. It would have been easy to become hard-hearted and judgmental at his inability to remember where he was and what our plan was. We could have pointed out his disorientation and problems, and increased his fear and worry. Our love was expressed in small words of encouragement, playfulness, and hope as together we marched through a difficult time.
As we age, it becomes harder to retain current information. It just seems to flee from our minds. My father used to say there is so much experience, knowledge and wisdom that there isn’t room for new memories. Short term memory loss is frustrating and challenging for us and our loved ones. But be gracious, light hearted and understanding, you may be in the same situation one day.
As we drove through Concord’s historical sites, it reminded us of the good times we had spent there. We relived a family canoe trip and the funny experiences canoeing with my father and girlfriend Wendy. She was experienced, but my dad insisted on steering the canoe. They crisscross the river taking twice as long and heard Wendy’s frustration as she tried to teach him. My father and I laughed about the memory. We even remembered the egg salad sandwiches we had for lunch. More importantly, his humor came back. The fears that had plagued him when he was disoriented faded, and his interest and joy in life returned.
The ice cream shop was a place we had had lunch many years before, and he remembered that time fondly as we walked towards it. It was like we were there last week. He and I had a wonderful conversation as we enjoyed our ice cream. He had pistachio and I had moose tracks.
As we were leaving, we mentioned to the manager, “I bet you don’t get many 101-year-olds coming for ice cream.” She was delighted and asked if she could take a picture and post it on Facebook. My father responded “sure” with his usual smile. She disappeared and returned with another scoop of pistachio ice cream and took our picture. It was a delightful and healing afternoon with my father. Just what we both needed, to do small things with great love!
Take time for loved ones,
Relive the good times and challenges
Do simple things with great love.
God Bless!
